so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
