just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
