Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
