And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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