For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
