The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
