the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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