Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
