She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
