hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
