Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
