My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
