Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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