My liver just broke up with me...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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