I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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