doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
