shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
