she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
