party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
