The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize