Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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