Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize