its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
