I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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