Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
