Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize