thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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