i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
