You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
