He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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