I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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