Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
