I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize