I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
