so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
