if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
