Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
