I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
