Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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