I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
