He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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