So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think my moral compass just broke
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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