theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
tell me about the fingering
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