So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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