now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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