it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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