i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
