You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize