U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Welp...herpes.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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