Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
