I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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