and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
