my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i think my cat just said my name.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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