grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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