2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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