her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My feet surprised me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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