Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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