Don't EVER smell your tampon
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
