ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
