I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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