Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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