Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
