mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
