hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
