lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
