He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Say something about gay babies.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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