dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
