Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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