Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
