It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
