i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
