Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
