yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
