the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
