your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
