I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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