u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
