I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
