If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize