somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
zippers are such a cool invention
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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