I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
