i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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