I'm really into asian looking animals
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
