you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
