Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
