Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
third nipple confirmed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
