I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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