allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
