You smell like a Billy Joel song
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
They should really pass out barf bags in church
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
