I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
